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10.17.2018

fumbling along and figuring it out

Most of the time we're just winging it -- dinner, parenthood, my eyeliner.

One day last week the little boys were fighting over a small Playmobil dalmatian, part of the firehouse set. Tolliver grabbed it from Hank, who'd had it first. Andy intervened, reminding Tols that he needed to ask for it. He went on to explain that if Hank refused, Tols would have to respect that and find another toy to play with, like the Lego german shepherd figure.
Is this the very beginning of consent education, I wondered?

*****

From his perch in the stroller on the way to school pickup, Hank witnessed a squirrel, carrying a walnut, get hit by a car. He wanted to scoop up the animal and take it to Daddy at work, to fix. Being empathetic starts with being sensitive to what's going on in the world and this sudden burst of sweetness from a child whose mantra has been "Mine!" gave me pause.
Could compassion be part of his wiring, I wondered, might the boys grow up to be caretakers of a hurt world?

*****

Tucker received a text message from an unknown number recently. It might've been easier to delete the message and move on, to let the conversation and his fingers veer toward Minecraft again. But it felt important to explain why his contact list is short and familiar, to discuss the dangers of communicating on devices with strangers, to remind him his iPod is meant mostly for maintaining relationships with family members, for listening to music and for accessing information.
Is there an app for parents trying to help preteens avoid digital pitfalls?

*****

We tell the boys they are always allowed to say no, and always allowed to change their mind, and so are we. We seek advice from people with experience, trying earnestly to listen to their wisdom through our own worry. We've established our willingness to have messy conversations with the boys, to be askable parents. But I have so many questions of my own... I don't feel sure about much except the solid sense that we are, all five of us, lucky to be figuring it out together.

1 comment:

  1. Yes. Yes. I wish there were -- I know the challenges you face today are much greater than the parenting challenges we faced when you were younger. I love that Hank believes Andy can fix ANYTHING!

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