3.03.2009

Birth

It was about 2 years ago that I was born into motherhood. Writhing on the hospital bed, I thought I might surely die, but instead it was if there were two births that day. Celia made me a mother. She is still making me a mother. I have to dig deep, but there’s the possibility of greatness. And Celia reminds me that greatness is not in me, but comes through me.


I don't often do bold things like shower or eat an entire meal at one sitting or go to the store by myself. But I have better things to do. I get to read books aloud and change diapers, kiss a small forehead and leave projects unfinished.

And, I get to worry. I've gotten a good taste of the primary preoccupation of motherhood – questioning, second-guessing… I bend myself into knots with the constant weighing of pros and cons, often with no discernible “right” answer. I’ve read books about how to be a good mother, and I’ve worried about what others will think. I spend more time with my daughter than authors and neighbors, than anyone, actually, and I often instinctively know what’s right for her. But sometimes I still wonder…

Wonder about her greatness, though, I don't. She was, indisputably, born filled with it.

JEB

5 comments:

Christy said...

Happy birthday to you both! You are a great mother, by the way, and about to be a great mother again. I hope you have a great day!
Christy

Poppy John said...

Jenni Baby,
Do you know that you make me VERY proud? Just curious.

Love to all 4!

Christen said...

"Greatness" is a very modest description of both your performance as a mother and your little shining beauty.

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday to 2 amazing girls!

Grandma Jan said...

Whne the baby arrives, he/she will enter into the glory of your family; an amazing big sis, a wonderful furry brother, and a mom and dad beyond description.

love you all!