1.02.2010

Rearview

This time of year prompts me to look back, which makes me feel a bit nostalgic, makes me yearn for the good things of days past. Celia’s fleshy thighs have disappeared, along with too many other things that shouldn't have gone with them. And Tucker's turned from baby into toddler at a rather astonishing rate. More subtle transformations have happened right before my very eyes, and were it not for reminiscing over photographs I’m not sure I would have noticed so much. Through the photographs we’re able to watch the children change and grow. Through the children, and through the trials and through these words, we've found ourselves growing.
2009 could become known as The Year of the Batten Disease Diagnosis, but it's also the year Tucker was born. These things, among others, made 2009 feel like a year layered with more loss and love than the prior thirty years combined.  2009 was difficult, but we came out stronger and wiser, perhaps with less money and definitely with fewer hours of sleep, but we we made it, all four of us survived to see the dawn of a new decade. We'll take the new year one day at a time though, not in the stereotypical, cliched sense, but literally moment by moment.
I wish 2010 offered more optimism.  There don't seem to be many signs pointing toward great things, but instead of looking too far ahead, instead of worrying about what's to come, we'll try to embrace the ride.  When I'm filled with greed that makes me wish I could know the future, I'll look to the One in the driver's seat and for confidence in the course. And then I'll check the rearview mirror again :)

            Celia 3.2008 and 1.2009
JEB

2 comments:

Debi said...

It is so hard.. my heart and thoughts and prayers are with you, Celia and your family daily. I pray for healing and srength and hope and joy and the peace of God and more strength and healing.
When asked what I would most want God to do in 2010, my immediate thought was to wipe Batten off the face of the earth and heal the children that have it.
Love and hugs and prayers,
Debi

Melissa said...

Penny used to do that when she slept, not Josh, but Penny, the double clenched fists. It's amazing all the little things you swore you'd never forget that you remember when looking at a photograph. Both lovely pictures of Celia, what a treasure she is.