9.25.2012

Mess

I started to write a blog post last night, and then I started to cry.  Sometimes it’s the tears I wasn't expecting that I need to pay attention to.
I cried because I am happy.  I cried because I have Tucker and Tolliver.  I cried because I do not have Celia.  Because we are not a family of five.  Because we may never have been, were she well.  I cried because I am overwhelmed by the blessings of my boys, and because I miss her.
It certainly was not the first time I thought about my children and trickled tears of anything but joy.  They are siblings on separate roads, paths that split the day she died.
Last night I let the tears come, hopeful that the crying jag would burn itself out.  Grief, though, has astonishing staying power.
It's hard to squeeze large sentiments into tidy posts.
I can, however, squeeze two little boys as long as they'll let me.
JEB

4 comments:

Poppy John said...

Jenni Baby,

Loved reading this powerful post...all three times.

Just curious, would you like more Tupperware for Christmas?

L2A

Groves said...

Accept

I
accept
your
tears.

{Groothuis}

*****

Yes.

Grief has astonishing staying power,

indeed.

Cathy in Missouri

Anne Caughey said...

Yes, I cry those kinds of tears too.

Tiffany said...

I have tears for you...I'm glad I was really thinking about you yesterday!! And every day...