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3.15.2012

Perspectacles

It's been two months.
She didn’t take the conversation, the lessons or the love, with her when she left. What we learned from her illness, what amazes us still, is how much remains after so much was taken away.

Much in the manner that we communicated with her mutism, we hear her even now. She makes us alert to the sort of encounters we might have otherwise missed, the things that speak to us simply because we know to listen.

Yesterday was nuts. The kind of crazy that made my eyes blurry and my soul feel small. But she reminded me to see. Those high moments in the midst of a low day seem to indicate that I am probably better than I think I am. I bet most of us are.
That every picture of Celia has been taken, even given all the perspective and all the enduring love, is close to unbearable. It’s only how we changed, and how so many other people changed, that makes what happened any less horrible.

JEB

8 comments:

  1. Who knew that the third week of March could be harder -- in some ways -- than the third week of January? For the record, it's not just you.

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  2. i read. i read and i pray. we're in our own beginnings of the long wait. knowing that you've done it, that you survive, helps. knowing that it hurts is obvious, it's knowing that you can find grace to keep going.

    she is beautiful.

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  3. I really have no words....there are none. Just know that your SC cousins love you dearly and pray God will be gentle in healing your broken hearts.
    Love,
    Jane and Lewis Lowery

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  4. I am so glad you feel and hear her, I remember needing that so badly after our daughter passed... to keep that connection with her and feel the comfort in knowing she was here. One day at a time.

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  5. I think she taught us all. And you continue to teach us. xoxo

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  6. She taught me so much-to appreciate those moments when Zoey is tired and crabby instead of yearning for the day to be over. As you all have taught us, all moments are precious. Thank you. Love and hugs.

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  7. There is not a day when I do not think of your Celia - and your hearts, missing her.

    How much more, you. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

    Most precious girl, how you are wanted.

    Cathy in Missouri

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  8. Jenni, this sentence has not left my mind since I read it a few weeks ago:
    That every picture of Celia has been taken, even given all the perspective and all the enduring love, is close to unbearable.

    I used to take so many pictures of the boys when I was home with them. Now that I'm back to work full time, it's all I can do to remember to put the camera in my purse when we head out for a special occasion. Sweet Celia and dear Jenni, thank you for allowing me to share in your reflections and glean some inside wisdom from your experiences. And to remind me to take some time to capture these special moments with my family.

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