for all the I don't knows

I don’t know what I’m doing. Much of the time I’m relying on crossed fingers and gut instincts and memories of what my mother did before me.

I don't think it's unusual to feel all "I've totally got this, I'm a great mom." one minute and then "How the fuck am I going to do this?" the next.  I don't think it's uncommon for a mother to doubt her capabilities when she should be doubting her doubts.

For all the I don’t knows, there are a few times when I just do. Times I can identify something I am not totally screwing up. Those moments are few and far between. And I am not going to print myself any certificates of achievement or anything just yet. I know enough to know there’s still a lot I don’t know.

Like negotiating the politics of brotherhood, for example.  I feel like I have a few years ahead of me before I might even begin to figure that out.