Forever available.

I feel frustrated by the inconvenience of his constant desire to be in my arms.  Especially in the middle of the night.
Maybe his teeth hurt.  He bites my shoulder, always the right one, because I carry him attached to my right hip.  My shoulder is littered with red indentations and small purple bruises.  But he also pats my back, his warm hand soft against my skin.  And it feels doubly sweet.  Perhaps the pain amplifies the pleasure.
It’s hard to be a parent when your convictions fall prey to your heart.  It's hard to be a parent.  Especially in the middle of the night.
I put him down and he whines for my embrace, his arms reach for me.  I look at him and think that there is nothing I wouldn’t give to cradle his sister.  So I pick him up, my body forever available to this miraculous little boy.  Perhaps the pain amplifies the pleasure.


The Wendels said...

And maybe he knows that you are craving....

KB said...

Enjoy it!! I haven't gone through what you have, but my youngest - my son - has always been like Tollie. Constant need to touch, to stroke, to just BE with me. My mother nagged me about getting him out of our bed but you know what? I really rather enjoyed his snuggly warmth.

And now that he's 7 and prefers to sleep in his own room, I look forward to those mornings where he wakes up early and steals in to curl up with me, or those early Sundays where he finds me on the sofa with a book and tea. Those are the moments I crave!!

Poppy John said...

Jenni Baby,

Check the pattern of the teeth marks...I worry that some of them could be from Andy. At fish camp, he snores with his mouth open. Just sayin'.


Tiffany said...

Perfectly said...the pain amplifies the pleasure indeed.

Anonymous said...

A great article about parenting and the often forgotten "lasts."