Almost Heaven

I feel full of so many words this week, but cannot find one good thing to say.  I may always be trying to wrap my mind around the transience, around the way people move, mostly naturally, in and out of our orbits. We're lucky when we get to spend time with someone who is as full of magic and delight as she was.  And in hindsight, I realize it’s not just about who she was, but who we were when when we were with her, the best versions of ourselves.  It was such a short time together though, and there are so few words, really, left to tell about our little girl's life.
Celia and Tucker were born two years - and worlds - apart.  
He’s missing out on having a sister, and we could let that truth bear its weight so heavily on our hearts that we miss out on what he does have.  But part of what he does have reminds us that their worlds aren't as distant as we might lead ourselves to believe.
He has such an innocent perspective on death, a sincere curiosity, an organic understanding.  It’s not scary, or weird or taboo.  He doesn't use euphemisms or avoid the topic.  He does seem bummed about not having his sister here, and he gets confused about whether she’ll come back.
We painted six rocks* for Celia, honoring her and honoring what we've lived through as people who love her.  We talked about sharing some love by scattering the rocks, leaving them places they might become surprise discoveries.  Tuck just wanted to take them to heaven.
He drew a map.
In the process of spreading out the rocks, we hope to spread awareness and to brighten the days of six unsuspecting people.  We carry her with us into the world, and this way - for one day, anyway - so might six more someone elses.
We hear her in the words that dance between the boys, we smell her in the rain, we walk with her in the sunshine and we remember, always, being alive together.   Whether we send the rocks to heaven's house tied to the strings of very very strong balloons, or we just leave them around town, it's kind of the same thing if we adhere to Tuck’s idea that we’re as close as we choose to be.

*We noticed the big, blush-colored heart rock on vacation, and were inspired to collect more.  Thanks to all three sets of grandparents for finding perfect heart-shaped rocks.

Maya's Curls will re-release the Celia headband tomorrow, an updated design with profits going to BDSRA.  We've heard that some of the earliest orders will receive a sweet surprise.


rht said...

With apologies to Frank Sinatra...
"In the wee small hours of the morning, when the whole wide world is fast asleep... is when I miss her the most."
Today, Jenni, I am looking forward to walking in the sunshine with you and Tucker -- happy birthday.

Anne Caughey said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl.

Christy said...

Happy birthday, sweet Celia!

Tiffany said...

I don't know how you put your feelings into words so well...it's a gift just like Celia was a gift. Happy Birthday Celia and Tucker and Mom and Dad! I think spreading the rocks is a perfect way of celebrating her life!