BIG (little) news

I've been meaning to post here, but have not been able to wrangle words into their proper places.

I've been beyond happy, beyond grateful, someplace without language, wondering
 what could possibly be said that would say the rest too?

Andy's phone rang recently, and a smile spread across his face.  He whispered healthy, and it sounded like such a small word.

Even before that, there hadn't been a whole lot to say.
Please.  It was all I allowed myself this summer, that one small plea an endless prayer.

The problem with trying hard not to think about something is that you think about it more.
It took awhile for us to decide we might be ready for another round of resilience.
There are always lots of reasons not to do something.

Standing at the intersection of two vastly different futures, we struggled to see into the distance of either.  Knowing the universe is not in the habit of dropping into our laps exactly what we’ve dreamed of, we worried that maybe we wanted too much, one miracle after another.
But we were sure we wanted our choices to reflect our hopes more than our fears.

Becoming a parent is bold and dangerous.  Being a parent is too.
There are never any guarantees.  Any number of horrible scenarios could play out - between now and March, in the first few years, when this child is twenty-three.  What we do know, finally, is that this child will not die of Batten Disease.  What we do know is that growing a family is terrifying and precarious and unknown and very humbling and extraordinarily awesome.  And we are thrilled, and relieved, that ours is still growing.

We feel lucky, if lucky is a big enough word for it, and look forward to welcoming another little Betz boy in about six months.

our doctor sent home an essential oil -Joy- for us to diffuse during the long wait

 best news ever

 big brother, baking

 we did dream

 more Legos, more Lincoln Logs, more dirt and noise!

all three Betz boys on the field in the Shoe