little ONE

Dear Hank,

It's hard to believe a year has flown by.
It feels like not that long ago you were a fresh loaf of bread, warm and with a nervous system.
Birth is insane, by the way.  We spent two nights in the hospital and then were sent home with Motrin, a pack of pads and a squirt bottle. And also a tiny human.
As fourth time parents, with a lot more wear and a little more wisdom, we ought to know what we're doing. (spoiler alert: we don't.) We just hope we're doing right by you.

This whole first year of your life has felt both like reclaiming something I've known so well and realizing how much I have to learn.  I've had to untangle some expectations and some this is the way I do its from you, and I think that might be one of the most beautiful inadvertent things you’ve already done for me. I love you for your very differences.
I'm afraid this is our last time and I’m acutely aware that this is your only time. But baby, none of the sunrises of your firsts have been tinged by shadows. There is so much ahead, lord willing, and I lean toward staying in the moment with you. I know better about that now in ways I didn’t with your sister, or even your older brothers. I laugh with you in disbelief and delight on a daily basis.

I want to remember how your smile looks with just six small teeth, how your baby hair, so wispy and fine, falls into your eyes. I want to remember how you laugh disobediently when we tell you to sit down in the tub and how your legs appear separated into fat segments, like dinner rolls. I don't want to forget the heft of you on my hip, and how we've all thoroughly enjoyed dancing attendance on you.  I want to remember how it sounds to hear Daddy sing Little Black Submarine into the cavern of your crib at night and how you reach your hand around to pat his back or pinch his skin when he holds you. I don't want to forget how you climb into toy baskets and gasp at the antics of your big brothers.  Everyone who sees you exclaims over your handsome face and chubby thighs and happy demeanor.  Our sweet little baby bird.  You've brought such joy to our lives simply by your very existence

Love always,
Mama