eyes wide open

Are LMNOP the only fast ones, Mom? 
In terms of singing the alphabet, yes, those letters are the only fast ones, but what about the days?
Summer feels suddenly almost over, like we need to scramble to cram in all the things. This happens every year, but it may be heightened after a pandemic.
The idea of sending the boys back to school - all three of them gone from the house  - gives me pause. 
I will certainly appreciate a few quiet, tidy hours, but I get a little sad thinking about shooing them out the door every day, about losing the texture of their presence in our home.

My thoughts feel mostly suspended - between heartache and possibility, between regret and relief, moving forward and backward at the same time. Meanwhile, the boys are delighting in a fleet of naval vessels built from blocks, awarding one another trophies for invented games and creating self portraits with found objects... I envy these habits of theirs that shape the dull hours, the way they sift pleasure from worry, joy from disappointment, in spite of everything.

At the pool, as Hank flips underwater, I give his body a slight nudge.
Practicing enough means you don't need help anymore, Mom! he exclaims as he comes up for air, eyes wide behind bright goggle lenses.

Practice makes better, for sure. I will find a back-to-school routine baggy enough to live in, and we will fill our remaining summer days with lots of good things.

1 comment:

rht said...

Thanks for sharing your boys this week. Rod and I thoroughly enjoyed their company as we explored Olentangy Caverns together.