Time Machine

(Reader warning - Andy's blog posts are not clever and may be poorly written)

If you had a time machine would you go forward or back?
When you work in health care, patient interactions may become scripted.  One of the last things I say to my patients when I am wrapping up an exam is always "Is there anything I can do for you to make you more comfortable?"  If I've done my job they don't ask for more pain medicine so they always ask for one of two things. A: a million dollars, or B:  that I undo the traumatic incident that landed them in my care.  It's like we are reading from the same bad script!  Laughter is good medicine though, so I go to my snappy one-liner: "I'll let you try out my time machine as soon as it is finished."  Ha, ha, ha.  Believe me, after 6 years I gag a little every time I say it... but it still works.
I've been guilty of saying to Jenni that I wish I had a time machine.  Once, after I mumbled about it, she asked me if would I go forward or backward.  Picture me with a blank stare and my mouth slightly agape.  I had never thought that far myself.  Here is what I decided:
When I really think about it I would never want to undo Celia.  She has changed me.  Not all in a good way, but changed me deeply nonetheless, and mostly for the better.  Some days I don't like who I am. And a lot of that has to do with the cards we have been dealt.  Go back in time and don't have Celia, problem solved, right?  But I look forward to the man I will become.  I would choose to go forward, and probably not even very far.  I can't hurt any more than I have, than I do.  I can't miss her any more.  The Celia she was is already gone.  Besides, to go back in time now would take away the greatest thing I have ever been a part of, this family of four.
Celia gives our yesterdays memories and Tucker gives our tomorrows dreams.

Post edit:  Andy doesn't give himself enough credit.  I'm glad my future is with him.  JEB


The Wendels said...

Certainly not poorly written and especially moving.

The Shelton Family said...

Beautifully written.

rht said...

Well said, Andy. And thanks for being part of our big, extended family too. Just for the record, we like you everyday!

Poppy John said...

Andy My Boy,

I like "who you am" perfectly well!


P.S. Grandma Sandy lost a bet...she owes me a one hour backrub...with roll over minutes.

Eryn said...

Andy, I have wanted that same time machine myself at times the last 18 months! Thank you for posting this and thank you Jenni for posing such a GREAT question! I know what I will be thinking about tonight!

Love and Prayers...

Aunt Linda said...

Andy...nobody could have hand-picked a better husband for Jenni, dad for Celia and Tuck, family member, or friend...we all love you (and this pic of you and Tuck).