So many decisions. So many ways we can mess up. Or be awesome, or wish for a do-over, or step back and smile.  Life is so good and so hard all at once. I appreciate, for the most part, every single day, but sometimes I want to do it with a margarita in each hand.
Over the past several years my range of feelings seems to have busted open, the spectrum from happy to sad and from confident to concerned is not just as far as I can stretch my arms, it’s suddenly up the block and over to the next neighborhood.
I understand the benefits of emodiversity, and am grateful for the capacity to feel broad and deep and abundant. I am constantly trying to remind myself to watch my feelings as they pass through rather than chasing them away with ice cream or mindless scrolling or exercise or margaritas in both hands.
I think the best thing to do is to commit to what feels possible, and to persist. But I'm just not sure.
I'm not even sure when I figured out that adulthood is not synonymous with certitude.  Perhaps being comfortable being uncomfortable is the most effective way to be a human.

1 comment:

Poppy John said...

Jenni Baby,
It made me sad to think you sometimes wish you had a Margarita in each hand.
Life answer...steal a page from Grandma Sandy and just buy a "big ass" glass. That will leave one hand free to deal with BS.