carefully taught

My fingers have spent a decade hitting publish here. And also a fair amount of time hovering over delete.

Sometimes I struggle desperately to find a way to say something hard and make it come out soft. 

I mentioned to a friend recently that I wish I had the courage to write more, to say more.  

Her response was on point : It's hard to feel brave in a world where someone might shoot you for having an opinion.

I'm not really afraid of being shot. But I am afraid for the people who are.

These days, I live in fear mostly because my children have none. 

They are the boys jumping on the roof of the bounce house. 

I want our boys to follow rules and to break rules, to have opinions and to seek advice. 

I hope that as they grow taller they do not grow smaller, that they gain experiences and perspectives and increased preferences and confidence, but not so much that it makes them too cynical to listen to others. 

I don't want them to pick fights. I do want them to pick flowers.

I am not afraid of being shot, but I am afraid our country is being led by a lunatic. 

I am not afraid to stand up in support of same sex marriage, but I am afraid I might sometimes accidentally think I'm thinking when instead I'm just rearranging my prejudices.  

I am not afraid to eat pizza rolls and ignore gender roles, but I am afraid I might inadvertently kick the next person I run across who is small-minded and proud of it.

I am not afraid to share that I am firmly pro choice, but I am afraid I am not always a good example for my children.

We can always, all of us, do a little better in our interactions with people who are different from us, can't we?

I want our boys to believe in God or in good, to take actions based on grace. 

I want them to filter coffee, not people. 

The boys are inherently fair, and they are learning that when we take time to talk to strangers they don't seem so strange.

I want them to be brave, to declare opposition and to take bold steps, but to always, always remember person over point.