This Much

I wish Celia could stand inside this heart, too.
She slipped into mine almost four years ago, and they'll both be in that one forever.

In the Blink

These are some of the last pictures of Tuck in his crib.  He is growing SO fast.  And although I get wistful that time is passing, I do not want to go back.  I would miss the small person he is right now way too much.

As I watch his life dilate I realize he is becoming less mine and I am becoming more his.  And I know how lucky I'll be as, through some blend of alchemy and devotion, he takes parts of me places I've never dreamed of going. 

First though, I'm hoping he'll learn to stay in his new bed.
JEB

Interrupted

Parenting one healthy child and one sick, each day looms like an emotional obstacle course. And yet I have extraordinary expectations for myself, like I need to be actively happy and serene and grateful, and I have to mean it more than anyone else.
This afternoon, without the nap I hoped for and without even trying, I was and I did.

JEB
Also, if you are not a dog person, it may appear that Colby is sharing too much tongue.  He is always happy, but not so much serene.

 

Redundant

I've said it all before.  I love this girl.
I pause to be with her.  I conduct a unilateral dialogue while she is mute as fallen snow, but her eyes move under lavender lids and I believe her heart hears mine.
With hyperreal clarity I sense every minute detail and tuck each carefully into my mind.  Her manifold seductions of beauty -- rusty corkscrew curls, eyelashes charcoal against fair, flawless skin, delicate vertebral knobs -- are folded into my heart in hopes that a bit of her will always orbit the ventricles there.  
I recognize this whole experience as a shadow of my own mortality and I wonder how a mother can live past her soul.  We shift, together on the edge of eternity, her contours cleave to my curves, her comfort becomes my own.
I love this girl.

JEB

If you live in Central Ohio and are interested in another way to fight Batten Disease, please click the Current Fundraisers tab at the top to learn more about St. Stephen's Shrove Tuesday Pancake Dinner on March 8th. As long as she's not too worn out from turning four, Celie girl will be there.

Bring It On In

In essence, sibling love is lovely

I realize there's been a shortage of pictures of Celie and Tuck.  The work of plucking one still moment often falls to Andy.  With the camera he is careful not to punctuate the soap bubble of a happy time, but to preserve the good it held.  Like here, a split second so delicate it almost popped and disappeared.

Tucker smears "wips" (his word for chapstick is "lips") all over his sister's face.

This picture won't win any awards, but in it we see a big ol' mess of beauty.
I’m not sure if our habit of searching for beauty and for good, of trying hard to catch it for posterity, is borne of the wisdom that comes with age, or whether it results from living in constant proximity to death. But I do know the effort it takes to focus on what’s good leaves the rest blurry and backgrounded.
There'll be more pictures to share soon.
JEB

Back

 The Arch at Land's End, Cabo San Lucas

Physically, but not quite mentally, we're home again.  I wouldn't say that my happiness is seasonally contingent, but I will admit that a good dose of sunshine always improves my mood.  Combined with plenty of sleep, tons of great food and time with best friends, a week of warmth makes the thick layer of ice that currently covers Columbus a little more bearable.  I like our latitude, I do, but here we live with frigid temps and an inescapable seriousness.  For a week, we escaped both.  It was nice to get away.  And it's nice to be back.
JEB

Twenty five percent of your Thirty One Gifts order goes to BDSRA during February. 
Read here for more info.