2.23.2012

Tomorrow chases today through my head.

My eyes dart hurried glances at half-done tasks, my mind scans the never-ending list of to-dos.  It’s a race against time, I sense the gap narrowing between the feeding he just finished and the next.  No longer a tenant of my womb, the baby is the landlord of my being, not just borrowing my body but owning my chest, my time.  Tollie's domination of the day makes me feel soft and productivity feel hard.
When I let Tucker guide the schedule, when I don't resist his direction, I find peace.  I lose track of tomorrow and I don't even think much about today.  I feed little brother while I sit benext to the tub, Tuck's face submerged to make "turtle noises."  While we dive into books and collapse into giggles, while we train dragons and travel through his imagination.  When I surrender we are, in some sense of the word, productive.  Tuck's agenda, my attention, will certainly yield results, in good time.
And all too soon, all too soon, Tolliver will share a voice in the daily program.  He'll want more than milk, he may not need me as much as he does now, and I might need him even more.   
JEB

5 comments:

Maggie said...

My word, Tollie is a big boy! Look at those hands! Was Tucker able to breathe while holding him? I miss my days as a stay-at-home/working-from-home/housekeeper/chef/part-time online teacher/party planner/etc. LOL! What crazy days those were. I always felt like we accomplished nothing and everything at the same time. And yes, I was a stereotype. I lived in sweatpants and drove a minivan. And I loved every minute of it.

Adorable jumper!! Although I love spring, it's not quite as exciting to look forward to with no days of big bulky sweaters and winter coats.

Tiffany said...

This is a perfect reminder of what we need to do each and every day. Let the kids guide us and not worry about the stuff that doesn't matter. The house will still be dirty tomorrow, right?

Christy said...

Very well said, as always. Those boys are soooo cute! Keep living in the moment.

Poppy John said...

Jenni Baby,

I vote...keep'em...and enjoy.

L2A

Debi said...

Prayers for many joyful moments and special memories each day. Tuck is a wise little man, teaching us to balance play and learning and just being.
Love and hugs and prayers!
Debi