big and little

My brain turns off and my heart turns on and my body is full of big feelings and little words. 
I go about the day, arm heavy with a child on my hip, opposite hand busy stirring stew on the stove, voice engaged in discussions ranging from fungus to ice cream flavors.  I step over balls to refill cereal bowls, flip cards to make matches and refold piles of clean clothes that became forts.  Tending to the demands of the household brings welcome distraction.  Much as each has been all year, the day - filled with the work of life - is its own solace.
I try not to navigate unruly feelings in front of the boys.  After they're in bed I let loose thoughts lead, eyes spilling fat tears that frame words like shiny parentheses.  The same words that are being tossed around across the country - gun control and mental health, and the same words I've whispered before - how and why and little kids should have big futures.

1 comment:

McKenna said...

Oh I couldn't agree more. I've been thinking about you this week and wondering how you are coping. I know when grief is always at the edge of your thoughts, the news of such awful loss is that much harder to handle.